What Makes Covert Narcissist Traits Different Unravelling the Distinctive Traits

Covert narcissism is a lesser-known form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It is sometimes referred to as quiet narcissism or vulnerable narcissism.

NPD is a condition in which someone harbors an inflated sense of self-importance (grandiose self). Their priorities and the things they say reflect:

• Fantasies of success and power

• Assertion of brilliance or genius

• Inordinate attention to their beauty

• The need for excessive admiration

• A sense of entitlement

• Envy of others

• A lack of empathy

Although estimates vary, up to 6.2% of people in community samples demonstrate NPD traits.

People with covert narcissism share many of these traits and, as a result, may have difficulty developing and maintaining relationships. However, instead of arrogance and self-importance, covert narcissists are often shy and withdrawn. They tend to be thin-skinned and hold grudges. They also may appear to focus attention on others when it's attention they seek for themselves.

Their vulnerability as narcissists is reflected in anger and aggression, envy, helplessness, feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem, and shame. Suicidal thoughts may be part of the pattern.

Covert narcissists may engage in manipulation and other toxic behaviors to get their way and get the desired feedback to support their self-image, just as overt narcissists do. 

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a covert type of emotional abuse where the abuser misleads the victim, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.

Recognizing Covert Narcissist Traits

There isn’t a clear-cut test for narcissistic personality disorder. Diagnosis of overt NPD is based on evidence of the behaviors and traits of the condition as outlined in the DSM-5.

A covert narcissist will do and say things that demonstrate their sense of superiority, though often through passive-aggressive behaviors. They may speak of being influential, famous, or important, or exaggerate their abilities, talents, and accomplishments. At the same time, they may be feeling just the opposite: inadequate, anxious, depressed, and believing the world owes them something.

In one study, 436 people described experiences in close relationships with narcissists and the kinds of things they say to them, both overt and covert narcissists alike. The remarks included:

• “He appears to be very confident, but must have compliments and reassuring statements and whatnot, several times a day.”

• “They have resentment for people who are happy; seeing anyone happy or doing great things with their life makes them jealous and angry.”

• “He will also have episodes of deep depression where he shuts himself off from human contact. He will hide in his room or disappear in his sleeper semi-truck for days."

• "It was an endless minefield of eggshells."

Identifying covert narcissism based on similar kinds of statements can be helpful.

Overt vs. Covert Narcissist Traits

It can be challenging to identify NPD because people with narcissism don't typically see their traits as symptoms. People with NPD also may be highly functioning, which may mislead those around them from thinking they have a disorder.

The difference between these two types of narcissism is in the expressions of their underlying feelings. The overt narcissist may be thought of as the extroverted narcissist or the one who outwardly and directly displays narcissistic behaviors, like bullying, demands, and manipulation. The covert is the introverted “closet narcissist” or the shy, hypersensitive, and socially isolated narcissist.

Some narcissists may go back and forth between overt and covert presentations. Keep in mind that no two people with covert narcissism will have the same symptoms, either.

Types of Narcissism

Some clinicians divide narcissism into four types:

• Grandiose narcissism is the classic or overt narcissist.

• Covert narcissism is the quiet or vulnerable type of narcissism and is more subtle.

• Communal narcissism is when someone deals with their narcissistic vulnerabilities wanting to be seen as the most helpful, supportive, or giving person.

Causes

Exactly what causes NPD is not fully understood. It is likely a combination of factors that influence mental health conditions in general. These include:

• Genetics (family history)

• Early childhood trauma (verbal, physical, or sexual abuse)

• Challenging early relationships and developmental experiences

• Individual traits, including resilience, stress, or emotional control

Covert narcissist traits may be more common among some personality types. An individual's innate temperament also may be a factor in their susceptibility to developing narcissism, reflected in their response to triggers like anger or envy over another person's achievements.

Covert Narcissism in Relationships

People with covert narcissism can come across as cold, callous, or uncaring. These are three challenging behaviors. Needing constant validation to manage self-esteem can be draining on both people in a relationship. 

Relationships, then, may be unstable and unhealthy for people with narcissistic personality disorder and the people in their lives.

For the person with NPD, recognizing there is a problem in themselves is the first step towards recovering. If they have the willingness to change, psychotherapy, including individual, couple, and group therapy can help.