Secure Attachment Style: How To Feel More Secure In Relationships

Understanding attachment styles is vital for creating healthy relationships. Among the four primary attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—secure attachment stands out as the healthiest. People with a secure attachment style feel at ease with intimacy while also valuing their independence. They build trust and manage conflicts well. This post will explore what secure attachment entails and how it can be developed.

The Essence of Secure Attachment Style

Individuals with a secure attachment style often have a strong sense of self-worth and a solid emotional base. They approach relationships with warmth and compassion, accepting both their and their partner's differences. They value closeness but also understand the importance of personal space and autonomy.

Research shows that about 56% of people identify with a secure attachment style. While this is encouraging, many individuals show mixed traits, blending secure attachment with insecurities tied to other styles. For example, someone might feel secure in some relationships while struggling with anxiety in others due to past experiences.

What Is A Secure Attachment Style?

We typically see a secure attachment style as the healthiest relationship approach. Those with a secure approach feel comfortable with intimacy but are also independent. They are typically trusting and accepting of differences in a relationship. They are usually warm and loving in their approach but are happy for a need to be separate at times.

Usually, those with a secure attachment style can solve relationship conflict fairly well by regulating emotions, and using relational insight and forgiveness to move on.

Where Does A Secure Attachment Style Come From?

Like all attachment styles, a secure attachment style comes from childhood. Those who are secure typically experienced a sensitive, warm and loving caregiver as they were growing up.

In one study, around 56% of people identify themselves as having a secure attachment style. Many others believe they are a hybrid, with secure traits, but also you would like to build a stronger secure attachment style, there are ways you can develop your approach to relationships to help you feel more secure in relationships.

Top Tips To Feel More Secure In Relationships

Eliminate The Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can be a big factor in how you act in relationships. Perhaps you think you’re not worthy of a relationship or that people can’t be trusted and will let you down. All of the harsh and critical things you tell yourself can affect how you interact with others. Try to give yourself the kindness and compassion that you show to others.

Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

Building self-esteem is important for a secure relationship. One way to build your self-esteem is to find ways to push yourself slightly out of your comfort zone. Taking measured risks and having fun.

Understand Your Behaviour Patterns

We can all have a behaviour routine when something triggers us. By practising mindfulness and self-awareness, you can begin to recognise these patterns and learn how to break the cycle. By taking a measured view, you can also reflect on past incidences and use your insight to understand what happened and why.

Increase Your Self-Care

It can be easy to look to others to provide support, comfort, love and happiness. However, it becomes a far more effective and powerful tool if we can go inwards to get this support. Learning how to self-nurture can be a fantastic way to establish independence while also understanding your needs and wants in relationships.

Heal And Accept

If past experiences are preventing you from having a secure attachment style or healthy relationships, then healing through therapy can be what you need to accept the past and move forward. I offer a bespoke blended therapy and coaching package that can help you address these experiences and reprogram your mindset. To find out more, please book a free consultation with me by emailing info@bicairhypno.co.uk