How to Navigate Difficult Relationships With Your Family
How to Manage a Difficult Relationship
If you're struggling to navigate a difficult relationship with a family member, it can help to level the playing field and neutralize some of the difficulties. Begin by reminding yourself that you have no control over another person's actions, but you can change your reaction.
Take some time to think about what you appreciate about your family member, rather than focusing on the things that make them difficult to be around. When you're together, you will be less likely to zero in on their faults.
Here are some other tips for effectively managing a difficult relationship.
Suggest meeting someplace neutral. Choosing a location where you both feel at ease can help create a calmer atmosphere. Meeting in public often leads people to be on their best behaviour as most don't like to attract attention or make a scene.
Prepare yourself mentally for your interactions. If you know you have a gathering coming up where you will be interacting with difficult family members, it can help to prepare yourself beforehand. For instance, if your aunt regularly criticizes your career choice or makes insensitive remarks about your lack of children, think about how you might respond if that happens. Being prepared ahead of time can help you navigate difficult conversations and interactions with less stress.
Be empathetic. Most difficult people aren't born that way. Instead, they became difficult based on their life experiences. For instance, if your family member has lived a particularly hard life, they may be struggling with bitterness, resentment, or anger over what life has dealt them. Instead of getting annoyed by their behaviour, try to look at the situation empathetically. While this does not excuse their bad behaviour, it certainly will help you keep things in perspective.
How to Interact With a Difficult Family Member
Depending on your family member's issues and hot buttons, communication may be challenging, especially if they are particularly difficult to get along with.
If they are prone to anger, manipulation, or bullying, you may want to consider whether or not interacting with this family member is in your best interest. Just because they are family does not mean you are required to be emotionally abused in some way.
However, if your family member is just difficult to be around or challenging to communicate with, these tips might help your interactions go a little more smoothly.
Avoid Hot Topics or Sensitive Subjects
If conversations about religion, politics, or money usually result in heated arguments, try your best to avoid the topic. If your family member insists on discussing issues that make you uncomfortable, consider just listening to what they have to say.
Sometimes people like to discuss volatile subjects because they enjoy the drama that surrounds them. If you're not arguing with them or trying to prove a point, they may tire of the discussion. Of course, if their comments become too much for you, there's nothing wrong with excusing yourself and stepping outside to clear your head.
Pay Attention to Your Emotions
If you're spending a lot of time with a difficult family member, make sure you're keeping tabs on your emotions. Pay attention to your stress level and know your limitations. If you're feeling particularly upset or stressed out, try deep breathing or other relaxation techniques.
Also, look for ways that you can get a break from the stress like going to the restroom or taking the dog outside. If the entire situation gets to be too much, don't be afraid to cut the visit short.
Be Intentional
Although it can be very challenging not to react when a family says something outrageous or obnoxious, you must pause before responding. You want to be sure that your response is calm and measured. Not only can this type of response prevent unnecessary arguments, it also keeps you from being pulled into the drama.
Avoid Trying to 'Fix' Things
If you are at a family function and an argument erupts or if one of your family members has a meltdown, don't rush in and try to fix the situation. Likewise, don't try to fix your difficult family member in some way. Unless they ask for advice, you need to refrain from giving it or pressuring them into doing something differently.
Refrain From People-Pleasing
When dealing with difficult family members, it's very tempting to engage in people-pleasing especially in order to keep the peace. Stay true to who you are no matter how difficult the situation is.
How to Deal With Toxic Family Dynamics
If your relationship with your family member is painful or abusive, you may want to consider whether or not you want to maintain contact with this person. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to put some distance between the two of you rather than trying to maintain an unhealthy relationship.
That said, there will be times when you have to interact with this family member, like at weddings or funerals. As a result, it can be helpful to be prepared. Here are some suggestions for navigating these situations.
Set boundaries. Decide ahead of time what things you won't tolerate and what you will do if your family member crosses that line. Of course, you don't have to share your boundaries with them unless you want to. Just make sure you honour them if your family member crosses a line.
Give yourself permission to leave. You should never force yourself to endure abuse for the sake of the family. If your family member verbally abuses you or bullies you in some way, give yourself permission to leave.
Be selective about what information you share. Unfortunately, toxic family members are usually not trustworthy. For this reason, be careful about what information you share. People who abuse others often use personal information to their advantage and may even break your confidence or use the information to manipulate you in some way.
