Getting Over A Break-Up

Whether your breakup was an amicable split, a blazing row or something in between, it doesn’t matter how things ended; it can still be incredibly tough to move on from.

It is important to know that everything you’re feeling in a breakup is completely normal.

The hurt, the anger, the sadness, and the emptiness are all a natural part of a breakup. So is the lack of confidence, self-esteem and rejection that you might experience too.

A breakup is the death of a relationship and the end of your dreams for the future together, so it is perfectly reasonable to grieve for your breakup just as you would a bereavement. In a difficult breakup you may experience some or all of these five stages of breakup grieving;

1. Denial

Are you telling yourself you’ll be back together next week?

Maybe you are still messaging them late at night?

Are you dreaming of your reunion and life together?

All of these aspects fall into the denial category of processing a relationship breakup.

You may tell yourself (and everyone else) that it’s over, but you can’t quite face the reality of the end of your relationship. You may find it difficult to cut the ties and the communication links.

2. Anger

Whether you want to scream and shout at your ex or perhaps have a vendetta for the person who you may blame for the relationship, anger is a big part of a breakup.

Anger can be hard to recognise as a driver for certain behaviours, especially when you’re not an outwardly angry person.

You may feel anger at yourself, your ex, the situation or just anger at the whole world for getting in the way of your relationship. This anger may manifest in self-sabotage or perhaps firing off a barrage of angry messages to your ex, blaming them for every negative aspect of your relationship and breakup.

3. Bargaining

Are you or your partner telling each other; ‘I can change!’? This is a common type of bargaining after the end of the relationship when you try to patch things up and get back together.

It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t have to change yourself for a relationship.

You may find yourself bargaining with the universe, rather than a person. Telling yourself; ‘I will do X if they come back to me. During this phase, it is vital to focus on the reasons the relationship ended, to prevent yourself from getting back into an unhealthy coupling.

4. Depression

Are sad songs, bucket loads of junk food and romantic films the way you’re processing a breakup? This falls into the category of depression, where you just can’t get enjoyment from the things you usually love.