The Language Of Love

In 1995, Dr Gary Chapman described the 5 love languages he believes exist. He included both the way one expresses love and the way one receives it.

Each person tends to have two love languages we’re most comfortable expressing ourselves in and feeling loved by. One person might prefer expressing love with one love language but prefer receiving it through another. The 5 love languages this author describes are as follows:

Words of affirmation – Compliments, encouragement and communication of their affection. Positive words have immense power over humans. Using affirmative loving words improves cognitive function and stimulates the motivational centres of the brain which encourages positive action. Therefore, by saying loving words to your partner, they will be more motivated to offer positive action in return.

Quality time – Expressing love comes from spending time together and experiencing things together. Taking time out of our day for the people we love is a way of expressing what we feel for them. It means finding quality time in our busy schedule, full and rewarding time, to be with a person. What you do together doesn’t really matter. What really matters is the person we’re spending time with.

Receiving gifts – A person feels loved when they receive a thoughtful present or a small token of affection. Gift-giving, from thoughtful choices to presenting the gift stimulates feelings of affection in the receiver. With this in mind, receiving gifts is not necessarily a materialistic approach to love. Those with a love language of receiving gifts like the intention of gift-giving and that the other person has thought about them and put effort into the present.

Acts of service – Fulfilling promises and completing gestures that help the other person. Acts of service are mutually beneficial activities. Delivering acts of service is doing something for your partner that you know they would like you to do.

Acts of service mean the things a person performs as a way to communicate what they feel. There are different examples of this: preparing a meal with love, taking care of the home you share, caring for the other person when they’re sick.

Physical touch – Making a partner feel special through physical connections.

Alternatively, the person may feel grateful that you are making an effort to show affection. However, wouldn’t you like to go that extra mile to show that person that you love them so that they can feel it?

Physical touch, in any relationship, can be incredibly powerful. Consequently, tactility is associated with greater relationship and partner satisfaction. Remember, physical contact doesn’t necessarily mean you and your partner have to spend the whole day and night in the bedroom (unless you both want to!).